


sorry for not making you my centerfold

by sapphicrubyy



Category: RWBY
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, Fairgame rights, M/M, Songfic, clover’s death, qrow is depressed, they’re both really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:35:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicrubyy/pseuds/sapphicrubyy
Summary: Fairgame prompts based on Coney Island by Taylor Swift. Angst.
Relationships: Qrow Branwen/Clover Ebi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	sorry for not making you my centerfold

**Author's Note:**

> I keep thinking this is a fairgame song so I had to write a fic about it. I don’t write much so sorry if it’s bad.

**‘Break my soul in two looking for you but you’re right here’**

Qrow saw him. He tried to reach out but he was gone. This always happened. Because of my semblance. The only thing left a bloody body and the regrets in my own head. Just once why can’t someone stay. A tear fell, but it never hit the ground. “Qrow?”

He woke up in a gasp and saw the catalyst of his nightmare looking at him worried. “Were you having a nightmare?” “Heh. Seems that way”, he cracked a smile. It was just a dream.

**‘If I can’t relate to you anymore then who am I related to? And if this is the long haul, how’d we get here so soon?’**

I should’ve known it was too good to be true. Now here I am, in the middle of a battlefield, about to fight my so called friend. Clover, I really thought you were different. But now you’re putting your stupid job before the world, and me.

“You don’t know my friends. That’s how it always goes.” If you’re leaving, what the hell have I got left. Nobody else is gonna stick around for my worst parts. I’m.. alone again.

All the memories fading as once again, I’m plunged into darkness. Just yesterday I felt happiness being beside you, but now we’ve somehow ended up here. Things only change for the worst when I’m around. That’s how it always goes.

**‘Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?’**

I’ve always relied on my semblance to survive but in the end, maybe that made me get too full of myself. The worst part is I know he’s gonna blame himself for it all and there’s nothing I can do. Red eyes spilled remorse and the pain was clear to see. I fell in love with a man so broken but, even with all my luck, somehow I ended up doing more harm than good. So maybe it’s true that the strongest people are the most fragile and maybe I realised that a little too late.

**‘And I’m sitting on a bench in coney island wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go’**

This badge was the only thing left of him. James. It was because of him. And my fault too. I probably got too caught up in the good times to know that tragedy was already upon us. It always is when you’re cursed. I shouldn’t have let my guard down. I shouldn’t have got too close. But I did. And now the only person I could’ve loved is gone.

Gone.

Gone.

Like everybody else.

What hurts the most is that.. for a while I thought things were going to be okay. We could have been happy. For the first time in a while, my world was bright. Memories of happier times filled me, but it could only last so long. I should have known but I forgot that for me, darkness is never too far behind.

**’Sorry for not making you my centerfold over and over. Lost again with no surprises. Disappointments, close your eyes and it gets colder and colder, when the sun goes down’**

I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happier. I thought, maybe, I could be the one to teach you how to accept a compliment. You’d think good fortune could fix anything, but it can’t fix this. Not anymore. We kept getting swept up in the moment, just enjoying each other’s company but, when you live like that, you miss the signs. You closed your eyes and when they opened, you were brought back to the same disappointing scene. You grew cold as I faded and the sun went down just as any other night.

**‘The question pounds my head. “What’s a lifetime of achievement?”’**

When I met Clover, it was like seeing the reflection of everything I wanted to be. Misfortune means expecting failure at every turn so I knew I would never make much of myself. It would make sense then that he should be the opposite.

“Just because you’ve been blessed with good luck, it doesn’t always make you lucky. But it does seem to make people place perfection on you. Not that I’m bothered by that. I guess it’s just something to expect by now.” Clover. As someone who’s spent his whole life burdened by misfortune, I guess I never stopped to think about it the other way around. After all, happiness is only subjective and luck is just a word.

Does a lifetime of achievement really make anyone happy. What is achievement anyway? The feeling when you found happiness at last, or working for a just cause everyday? I think I’d be happy with the small amount of happiness that comes from loving without fear. If my semblance will ever let me, that is.

**‘If I pushed you to the edge, but you were too polite to leave me’**

Qrow tried to stop it, tried to deescalate. Clover was stubborn and Robyn was hot headed. He had no choice but to draw Harbinger and fight. I could have found an easier way. But I promised long ago that I would lay down my life for James and the Ace-Ops. Qrow didn’t want to fight in the first place but I forced him and look where that’s led us.

“I enjoyed working with you, you know, even with that endless cynicism of yours.” “I’m usually proven right.” You say that but, didn’t you let your guard down too?

Before I knew it I was on the ground, pain surging throughout my whole body. Qrow’s pained voice as he ran off, only to come running back to my side. Despite everything, he could never leave. Because even if he didn’t have high hopes, I’ve figured out he cares a lot more than he’d like to.

**‘And do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?’**

Walls were a thing I tried to keep up. Otherwise, someone else would be damaged and I would be alone again. Despite that, somehow Clover had managed to pass through them without a hitch and I never noticed. I guess a part of me was hoping our semblances could cancel each other out but, time will tell that the bad is always stronger than the good.

I know I shouldn’t have been swept up so easily. I was just having fun and I forgot to think. But it’s because I was having fun that things had to go wrong. As cheesy as it sounds, it almost felt like paradise. But now it’s all gone. And what is there to salvage if there’s nothing left?

Why bother breaking down walls if you’re only going to leave in the end? It’s happened more times than I can count but still, I never learn. Once again, someone was taken before my very eyes and our paradise was shattered.

**‘Will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?’**

I’m sorry, Qrow. We could have avoided this, could have talked things out. I’m sorry I’m leaving you like everybody else. I just don’t want you to put everything on yourself like you always do.

Trust. I should have never given it away. Because I can never trust anyone to stay. I can never trust myself not to fuck it up. I’m usually good at this but he was different. I thought he could be around me but I was stupid. I don’t care anymore. It’s over.

**‘Cause we were like the mall before the Internet. It was the one place to be. The mischief, the gift wrapped suburban dreams. Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring.’**

The kids had been given a night off and so had we. I wasn’t planning much but strangely, I found myself with Clover. That seemed to be happening a lot lately. When did I start feeling so comfortable around someone like this? “So, I guess we’ll be waking up to a whole new Atlas tomorrow.” “That’s why we need to make the most of tonight”, Clover replies with a smile. Not that I’d ever say it but, I like moments like these. Where you can just get wrapped up in the mischief and joy beside someone you.. care about.

“How about going to the arcade?” “Huh?” “It’ll be a chance to let loose and have fun.” And why not? Letting go for just tonight can’t hurt.

I’m pretty sure I felt like being a kid again. I was happy and maybe even a little hopeful. “So, is this the sort of thing you wanted to do as a kid?”, I implored. “Hmm, I always wanted an arcade ring.” For the first time in god knows how long, I genuinely laughed, happy.

It didn’t matter how stupid it was though. I wanted to make him happy so I tried. Of course when you’re literally cursed with misfortune, arcade games become impossible. But for reasons I didn’t understand, Clover said he was just glad to spend time with me.

Even now, I keep that memory with me. Sorry I couldn’t win you that arcade ring.

**‘Were you waiting at our old spot in the tree line by the gold clock? Did I leave you hanging every single day?’**

The worst part is knowing I would’ve waited forever for you. But you would never come because you’re not even a part of this world anymore. I was stupid. So stupid.. to think that I could ever love someone freely. Clover. If we had never met, maybe.. you would still be alive.

Qrow. I’m sorry. I can’t be there for you like I wanted. I’ll never get another chance to tell you how you are anything but a burden. I can’t be there to stop your self-hatred. I’m leaving you just like everyone else, aren’t I? Maybe I never helped at all and now I can’t even try.

**‘Were you standing in the hallway with a big cake, happy birthday. Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?’**

I remember you standing there. I remember your smile like nothing could go wrong. When I saw that smile I almost wanted to hope too. Maybe in another life, I would have been able to see that face everyday. Birthdays. Maybe if I was different, I could’ve spent it with you one day.

Did I take away all your happiness like I knew I could? I probably should have just stayed away. But you had to give me hope. Scream. That’s what it felt like. When will it stop?

I’m sorry, Clover, you had to deal with my dark clouds. I’m sorry that I ruined your perfect life.

**‘A universe away.’**

Some bonds are made to last and some were bound to be broken. But some are just torn apart without explanation. How can I reach you now?

A blaring noise was the only thing I heard before I slipped into the nothingness. I guess I didn’t count on my luck running out. Now you’re a universe away.

**‘And when I got into the accident the sight that flashed before me was your face’**

Pain. A surging pain ran through me and this time it wasn’t just the guilt. My body grew heavy as I couldn’t find the strength to stand anymore. But the last thing I saw before collapsing to the ground.. was your face. That’s when the realisation came. I’m not going to make it.

I should be worried about the Ace-Ops, the future of Atlas, but I wasn’t. I guess I won’t get to be the one to give you happiness, after all. That single thought ran through me. My semblance is luck. Then it should go without saying that I’ve got everything and nothing to lose. However, right now, I’m sure of it. The first time I ever felt truly lucky was when I met Qrow. When we spent time together on those missions. When he’s the last face I see. Goodbye. “Good luck.”

**‘But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name’**

I wasn’t careful enough. I got caught up and couldn’t even save the person I love. I remember the split moment you had lost the fight and the guilt. I made a deal with the darkness and you paid the price. Your footsteps on the snow as you stumbled, blood seeping out. I ran to you as that shine in your eyes faded and something in me stopped. Then you were gone..and I forgot to say your name... one last time.

**‘I'm on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go. Sorry for not making you my centerfold, over and over.’**

In another life, if i wasn’t bound to this job, things could have worked out for us. We could’ve had time together, maybe even... If I think about that I’ll have regrets. But if this is the end, I’m glad you were the last face I got to see.

I’ve lost track of the days I’ve been in this stupid cell. It’s lame but holding this pin you used to wear close to me makes me feel like you’re.. not gone. Then I come back and face reality. If you’re just another person I’ve lost, why does it hurt so bad?

Sorry for not making you my priority. All the time. I loved you.


End file.
